BragBook

I QUIT FACEBOOK! Whooo! I didn't just deactivate it because of something dramatic to make a point and then come back next week when I need a fix ... I fully deleted it. Without saving all of my mobile uploads ... what a moron. But, let's not get into that just now.

I am not an easy going person. I'm extremely passionate about twenty to thirty different things, actually. I think that the sooner you realize they type of person you are, faults and all, the easier it is to make your life easier by eliminating what makes you miserable. I feel like I'm talking in circles here ...

My point is; Facebook made me miserable. I am not the most attractive person in the world; I am also not an ogre. Facebook called me an ogre. Facebook said "hey, you need airbrushing and a workout, or you won't get any internet friends." Okay, maybe that was my hate-brain manifesting itself through the world wide wonderful web box, but  you get my point. A major issue that I have is the rampant misrepresentation that my peer group exercises on Facebook. Take three different women my age and look at our Facebook pages. Everything seems great, we all appear to be in stable relationships, we all look like we have fun hobbies and think kitten videos are hilarious. While in reality, one of us is cheating on their boyfriend at the Rockin' Rodeo every weekend, one is mentally unstable, alcoholic, unemployed nitwit and the other is perfect [that one is me, obviously]. I think what bothers me most is knowing that what a lot of us base our "networking" on is complete and total horseshit. I don't want people to look at my public profile and think, yeah this looks great, but what is she REALLY like? Just because they misrepresent themselves doesn't mean that I do.

The big question is "why do you care what they think?" Well, I don't. But I do care what the simple act of planting that thought in my brain does to my every day life. I don't want to limit myself to a public profile. I realize that it sounds stupid and over dramatic, but I know who I am and I know that I am not good at separating Facebook from the rest of my life. I really thought that Facebook friends were actual friends [as I would "ignore" anyone who "friended" me and I didn't know them] until I stopped a girl in Target by saying "um, HEY, it's me, Kate!" We went to Centenary together, lived in the same dorm, "reconnected" on Facebook and then when she saw me in real life she had no idea who I was and when I told her, she said "oh, okay" and walked away like I had coughed swine flu into her face. I have to be honest ... I felt awful. I mean, what is the point of reconnecting with someone online if you don't really have a connection to begin with.

I hate to go all Aristotelian on you, but these friendships do not exist! They cannot be measured in effort or any type of real action that is usually associated with true friendship. Networking is one thing, but if they're not buying, why are you selling it so damn hard? I will miss talking to some people, sure. But I think it will mean more if I get an e-mail or GOD FORBID a damn letter in the mail. I'm takin' it way back, folks ... and I'm fully prepared for no one to follow suit. I always tell my friends who bitch about dating about how when Brandon and I met, he didn't have a cell phone. Let me put this into perspective; I'm not 59 years old. I'm 27, my husband is 28, we've been married for 3 years. I definitely thought it was weird, but I loved the fact that he didn't just text me "WNT 2 HNG OUT bAbEE?" ... he courted me! He had to go to his home, or someone else's and actually call me and ask me out on a date and then after that date, I had to wait until the next time I saw him to carry on a conversation with him. Don't you women realize that you can truly decide what kind of man is worth it if you have to go through the dating process without the aid of predictive text?  I don't think that courting is going on these days. Actually, I know it isn't. Everything is dumbed down to the blandest level so no one gets hurt or does anything of value to earn a relationship.

I have been through several "best friends" in the last few years. I have concluded that girls don't want best friends, they want someone to tell them what the want to hear, and when that doesn't happen ... you're out! Time to find someone that will "support you" even if you're trying to save them from jumping off a cliff, face first. And that is kind of the wet-noodle-backbone of Facebook.  Lets gather everyone you've ever been in the vicinity of over the last 25 years and connect them using YouTube videos and pictures of everything you've ever done or thought about doing. That way, people can express interest and stroke your ego with the click of a thumbs up. I just can't do it anymore. It wasn't that easy for Brandon and myself and I think that is what makes our relationship strong. There was no middle man or no wall to hide behind. What we started was based on something raw and I honestly think that is why we are so happy. I realize it's only been 5 or so years, but I don't think about our relationship in terms of how long we've been together, but how long we have left to go and it never seems long enough.

My husband is beyond happy that I'm off of Facebook. He suggested that I get a blog so that I can still have my fun posting pictures of food I cook and Halloween decorations I buy. But, this way, I don't have to feel so shitty afterwards.

For the record, I miss the ever-loving hell out of Jungle Jewels. But that is about it. So, if you're feeling down about not being as EPIC [don't get me started on that ...] as your Facebook friends, just remember; they don't exist. AND NEITHER DO YOU! [Just kidding, that sounded like a great end to this post, so I thought I'd use it.]