Thursday, December 15, 2011

We Need a New Plague

I'm really judgmental. I'm equally as hard on myself which is how I justify it, usually. It has gotten better, though. I don't think that it's as unhealthy as it used to be, because I mostly keep it to myself nowadays. I've learned that the type of things I am judgmental about are not the kind of things people like to admit about themselves [learned all of those things the hard way, actually] so I have in turn learned to keep my judgments to myself unless solicited. But this is why I have a blog ... I can get this kind of stuff out without making someone cry in a bathroom later! [true story] Here are a few things I'm being super judgmental about lately. I don't really feel the need to discuss them beyond a couple of sentences. Most of you will be all "ohmygodyeah, so annoying," so I thought I'd share. Some of them are funny ... some sad. Either way, enjoy!
** I am judging you when your parents buy you a house. I am torn between being extremely jealous that you are being given a gift of such proportions but equally defiant, trying to tell myself I wouldn't let my parents do the same because I am an adult. People in my peer group are nearing 30 and I know at least a half-dozen that are being supported financially by their parents. The mixture of feelings that well up [and we all know I hate to feel] inside of me is unique and obnoxious. Stop telling me things that made me want to hit you.

** If you bend over in your skirt and I can see your underwear ... put something else on. This goes a long with my cardinal rule of fashion ["Don't wear shoes you can't walk in!"] and also requires the smallest amount of common sense. Get it together, ladies.

** Having a baby to save a marriage is so old school. Not in that awesome "oh, look, he is carrying a stereo on his shoulder" type of way. But, in that "I thought we had a cure for Polio" way.

** Shoving Jesus down people's throats is a Southern tradition, I realize this. But, not in the workplace. When you send out "Jesus is the reason for the season" emails through your employer's e-mail system ... you're breaking the law. This is especially true if you work for the government. You cannot sign your e-mails "Tammy Jean BeeBoo, Assistant Whatever in Charge of Nothing [318] 345.6789 "May you praise his holy name forever and ever and more bible stuff from my daily devotional calendar, Amen." You can't do that!! And yet ... I see it every damn day.

** Coming to the library to "look for a job" should not consist of 14 minutes of and 6 hours of Facebook ... while I babysit your children. I've actually had a 6 year old come up and ask "when are we going to eat?" I had to walk over and snap his mother out of her YouTube coma [complete with giant headphones to block out the sound of her children in a public place] to let her know her child was hungry.

So, now that I've gotten this week's bullshit off of my brain ... I'm announcing my new positivity campaign. All of the things I've listed above are completely out of my control. Therefore, from now on, I will definitely recognize these issues and process the feelings I have about certain situations [probably in blog form] but then ... I'm letting it go. I don't have time to stress about the shortcomings of others. And as the great Danny Glover says in every Lethal Weapon movie ever, "I'm gettin' too old for this shit."

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