Saturday, December 31, 2011

Vive le Resolution!

I'm officially "that guy" ... I'm going to actually make resolutions for the New Year. 2011 kicked my ass, honestly. I had some fun, but I really didn't feel like I had any personal growth. Maybe what 2011 did for me was allow me to realize that I actually strive to grow as a person, and when that doesn't happen, I can tell.

As most of us do, I have a lot of hang ups. Many of these center around my idea of what I should look like. I run away from cameras, I only shop online and I have to treat my fashion addiction like a shameful secret since nothing fits me ... that means I play dress up with all my awesome clothes at home but I never wear them out because I don't think I should at my current weight. I'm tired of my [fabulous] shoe collection being the only window into my personal style. And although someone might be happy to have my body ... I'm not happy and that is what matters.

So, my resolution is to lose weight. There, I said it. I'm not planning on dieting, though. I've done this and if anyone has ever dieted for any amount of time, you know ... you're basically just waiting for it to be over once you reach your goal. Vicious cycle! I'm just going to change my life. I mean, shit ... people do it all the time, why can't I?! I'm very happy with who I am as a person and I am so blessed in my relationship with Brandon that I feel like my physical state should align with that a little better. I really think any disharmony that I'm suffering from is stemmed at my relationship with my body and how I feel physically.

Get ready for me to be super positive and obnoxiously dedicated to this goal of shifting my habits into a routine that will hopefully become my way of life. My ultimate goal is to start doing OOTDs [outfit of the day!] via video, so the closer I get to my ideal size [not a number!], the closer I'll be to being able to share with you the amazing clothes that are collecting dust in my closet[s]!

I wish you the best of luck in 2012 and I hope that whatever resolutions that you've set for yourself are powerful enough to truly make a difference in your life. Cheers!! ♥

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Get at ME!!

"I feel like I'm in a ska band right now ... like I'm in REEL BIG FISH."

I want to get more followers!! I mean, I love all 97 of you, but I'm pretty sure you just signed up to win a contest, so I am under no dilusion that you visit every week waiting for the next picture post or rant about shitty photographers.  But, seriously ... I recently joined Instagram and I am in love with all the fashion IGers. Such a great community! It has inspired me to keep blogging and I want 2012 to be a great year for Hesson Haus. I hate Facebook, I'm not that great at Twitter [althought IG is helping with that] and I don't think that blogs create the close sharing environment that I'm looking for as a blogger, so ... what to do?

I tried joining a site that helps you get followers, but you had to tweet eleventy billion things from people you don't know and I only got a few extra followers. I didn't really understand it which could be the problem, but I don't think it should be that hard ... I think I'll try following more Blogs, maybe getting in a blogring, etc.

I'm not looking for comments, really. I get e-mails from people rather than comments. And I'm bad about commenting back, I really just want to expand and reach more people in hopes that it will build my blog and spread the word about Zombee Candle in the process.

I'm talking too much ... here's my new watch. Great 'dup' for the Michael Kors Boyfriend watch. Got it at Charming Charlie! ♥

Thursday, December 22, 2011

American Christmas Devil

B & I will be spending Christmas doing ... nothing. A perfect ending to this horrible season! I don't mean to sound like the Grinch, but the last few months have been horrid! I'm ready for this year to be over and Christmas weekend is one step closer to that wish coming true. We do plan to snuggle up and maybe watch a Christmas movie [or the TEASGJ Chrimbus Special] and stop by the in-laws for a little while, but other than that it will be a pretty depressing Christmas. Hurry up, 2012!! Please scroll down and see the American Christmas Devil!

UPDATE: Cookie & I have planned a wonderful Chrimbus Eve. We're going to drink more than we should and sew dresses while watching Die Hard. If you want to join us ... too bad. [zing!] Looks like my Holiday weekend just got a little less depressing. Whoo!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Jumbo Gifs ♥

Click "more" to see some of my favorite [giant] fashion gifs. I love that subtle movement. Creepy and fabulous all at the same time! ♥

Thursday, December 15, 2011

We Need a New Plague

I'm really judgmental. I'm equally as hard on myself which is how I justify it, usually. It has gotten better, though. I don't think that it's as unhealthy as it used to be, because I mostly keep it to myself nowadays. I've learned that the type of things I am judgmental about are not the kind of things people like to admit about themselves [learned all of those things the hard way, actually] so I have in turn learned to keep my judgments to myself unless solicited. But this is why I have a blog ... I can get this kind of stuff out without making someone cry in a bathroom later! [true story] Here are a few things I'm being super judgmental about lately. I don't really feel the need to discuss them beyond a couple of sentences. Most of you will be all "ohmygodyeah, so annoying," so I thought I'd share. Some of them are funny ... some sad. Either way, enjoy!
** I am judging you when your parents buy you a house. I am torn between being extremely jealous that you are being given a gift of such proportions but equally defiant, trying to tell myself I wouldn't let my parents do the same because I am an adult. People in my peer group are nearing 30 and I know at least a half-dozen that are being supported financially by their parents. The mixture of feelings that well up [and we all know I hate to feel] inside of me is unique and obnoxious. Stop telling me things that made me want to hit you.

** If you bend over in your skirt and I can see your underwear ... put something else on. This goes a long with my cardinal rule of fashion ["Don't wear shoes you can't walk in!"] and also requires the smallest amount of common sense. Get it together, ladies.

** Having a baby to save a marriage is so old school. Not in that awesome "oh, look, he is carrying a stereo on his shoulder" type of way. But, in that "I thought we had a cure for Polio" way.

** Shoving Jesus down people's throats is a Southern tradition, I realize this. But, not in the workplace. When you send out "Jesus is the reason for the season" emails through your employer's e-mail system ... you're breaking the law. This is especially true if you work for the government. You cannot sign your e-mails "Tammy Jean BeeBoo, Assistant Whatever in Charge of Nothing [318] 345.6789 "May you praise his holy name forever and ever and more bible stuff from my daily devotional calendar, Amen." You can't do that!! And yet ... I see it every damn day.

** Coming to the library to "look for a job" should not consist of 14 minutes of and 6 hours of Facebook ... while I babysit your children. I've actually had a 6 year old come up and ask "when are we going to eat?" I had to walk over and snap his mother out of her YouTube coma [complete with giant headphones to block out the sound of her children in a public place] to let her know her child was hungry.

So, now that I've gotten this week's bullshit off of my brain ... I'm announcing my new positivity campaign. All of the things I've listed above are completely out of my control. Therefore, from now on, I will definitely recognize these issues and process the feelings I have about certain situations [probably in blog form] but then ... I'm letting it go. I don't have time to stress about the shortcomings of others. And as the great Danny Glover says in every Lethal Weapon movie ever, "I'm gettin' too old for this shit."

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I'm Feeling Much Better Now

Whoo! So, as far as I can tell, I'm doing much better. I haven't really had time to process all the crap that has happened to us over the last couple of months, but I know for a fact that I'm feeling better because I don't have that aching feeling of "oh no, what kind of shit-luck nightmare is going to strike us down today?" 

I'm shutting down the ZC Etsy store for a couple of weeks. I have a wedding coming up and some large custom orders that I need to concentrate on, so I'll be a little busy with those and I don't want to have people ordering online on top of that! I feel like 2012 might be the year that ZC expands into employees. It is getting difficult to do all by myself. I missed out on a lot of $ because of sickness this season, putting me in my current predicament, so I'm thinking that does not need to happen again!

My parents moved away to Alabama, so I'm probably going to do nothing for Christmas unless I miraculously come up with money for a 9 hour trip [both ways] and Brandon, also miraculously, can get time off. Doubtful. So, I'm thinking I'll probably be the only kid that doesn't make the trip and I'll be marked the least favorite ... again. I was the least favorite for like 10 years, so I'm okay with that, I guess. I really miss them already and I plan to visit soon, but just not ... two-weeks-from-now soon. I'm thinking about mailing them a webcam and teaching them how to Skype. Cute!

Headed to Christie's to make lunch and squeeze on baby Julian for the afternoon. I'll post some pictures of him soon ... too handsome! And that is coming from a non-baby person. Hah. 

P.S. Ten points if you can name the movie from my title ... ♥

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Sad Sack

Still on the mend, physically. One more week of school for this semester. I'm looking forward to a break. I've got some stuff to write and edit, some wine to drink, some bubble baths to take and a lot of stuff to catch up on. In case you haven't been able to tell from my blogs ... we are really ready for 2012 at the Hesson Haus. We haven't had the best luck over the last few months, so we're looking forward to kissing 2011 goodbye. I can definitely say that I wouldn't have been able to get through the bullshit without Brandon. He is the absolute best and I am so lucky to have him. He lets me be a sad sack when it is necessary, like now, without letting me get too down in the dumps. It is kind of hard to be full-on depressed when he is around; I'm very thankful for him these days. Despite the "when it rains it pours" poster couple we have been over the last few months, we have a lot to look forward to ... like our annual beach trip, which we're currently booking. Onward and upward! I also might defiantly dye my hair a something crazy as a big eff you to 2011; it's fun to be a girl sometimes, no?

Friday, November 25, 2011

Bonne Nuit ♥

I have 987,324 papers due next week. I always do this to myself ... I wait until the last minute because I genuinely feel like my work is better when I'm under pressure. But the whole time I'm staying up writing, eating shitty food while my ass falls asleep and I get distracted by everything ever on the internet, I'm thinking never will I ever wait this long to get my work done ... never, I say! I need a break, so here are some pictures I like to look at for one reason or another. [Marlon Brando gif for the win.]

^ for Carrie

^ for Zachary

Bonne Nuit ♥

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Need Some Happy

UPDATE: Here is a better video [the original] that doesn't begin with mayonaise rubbed all over a turkey ... [grossed commercial ever]

Monday, November 21, 2011


There are a few things about me that I prefer to keep under-wraps. But, since I have a no-bullshit policy when it comes to my life [or, I'd like to think so] I think it is time to "come out" about a few things. Our generation is obsessed with showing people their likes and dislikes ... what they believe makes them unique. I mean, look at Facebook and everything that came before it. Somewhere around high school graduation it became clear to me that I needed everyone to know everything about me and I subsequently needed to prove it through the internet. [I hate Facebook more than anything, by the way.] Now, I'm not saying that I ever got over that. I clearly love describing myself and expressing that through hilarious gifs on the internet, but I have to say that I am aware of how ridiculous it is so it doesn't eat my soul. So, since I'm so dead set on appearing to be awesome all the time, I thought I'd throw some of my absolute worst bits your way. After all, I'm only humansortof.

1. I like to make lists. Organization is key. But the truth is ... I only do well with long term lists since I procrastinate and do everything at the last minute. My to do list for today today has been to go to the gym, write 2 papers, cook dinner and clean the bedroom. I will do one of these things and then burn the list.

2. Being organized has nothing to do with being neat. I am an absolute slob. I like it messy, my friends. Not dirty as in "um, shit is growing in the corner of your room" but messy as in "Jesus, Kate ... put your damn clothes away and why is there a cup of water on every surface in your office? And who eats this many Now & Laters?!" I understand that this will get infinitely worse when I have a child.

3. I watch Desperate Housewives. Shit, I can't believe I'm telling you this. Someone told me it was "spooky," so I made the mistake of watching the first episode. They were totally right. It was like Charmed for old non-magical people, or Melrose Place with less sex and more wrinkles, or Golden Girls for young people. Plus ... Teri Hatcher? Seriously? Lois Lane? I can't not watch this show. Some of you won't be surprised by this since I have already confessed to watching Ghost Whisperer like a boss, but I have to admit that it goes against everything I stand for. If you ever want to talk about it with someone who can simultaneously get excited about and mock its plot line, e-mail me. I still remain fervently opposed to that slutty doctor show that everyone thinks is so amazing. "Yeah girl, did you see Grey's last night?!" Is still on my "top five phrases to ensure a face punch" list.

4. I make cakes from a box. Generally speaking, I'm the asshole who brags about making everything from scratch, but let me tell you ... when it comes to making cupcakes for a History Club meeting, measuring is for suckers. Actually, I hate to bake. I think baking is for smart people who follow rules and haven't failed college algebra. I'm an idiot who hates numbers and following rules. I make my own icing, does that count? This is why I'm a good cook ... fuck the rules, you know?

5. I'm fat for no reason. Now, I say "fat" because I'm allowed to say whatever I want about myself, ok? So, don't get all whatever on me about that. I think the worst part about my chunkiness is that there is absolutely no reason for it. I don't have a "problem" or disease that makes me eat more than most and refuse to stay on a workout regiment. I just don't. I was a competitive swimmer for years ... working out was my whole life! So, I guess it backfired like a sonofabitch and now I'm just lazy like everyone else. That being said, I do enjoy working out and eating right ... just not all the time. I like that in little spurts like 3 months before someone's wedding or 6 days before a party for which I bought a too-small yet fabulous dress. [I mean, if it won't zip, just stop eating for a few and then if that doesn't work just wear a blazer, "nailed it."] I'd love to get really motivated and have a partner to work out with and get super sexy for our beach trip this year, but I have the horrid, horrid habit of making friends who are at least 1/2 my size. I'm the funny fat friend. It's okay, I'm good at it! "You don't have to be attractive when you're as hilarious as I am all the livelong day." - Geraldine Granger  ... "Pick a side, bitch." - me  to Crystal Renn [below]

6. I am unbelievably irresponsible with money. I will literally eat Ramen for a week to get a pair of shoes that I want. I'm nearly thirty and somehow I'm able to justify this behavior again and again. Thank god for Brandon. I'm pretty sure I would have spiraled out of control had I not met him. Perspective is a great thing to have, but ... shoes are way better. I can say that because Brandon isn't here to be all judgy and smart. I started my own business so I wouldn't have to work a straight job every day and still be able to buy shoes and clothes. This is a serious statement. Totally irrational, but at least I'm aware of it, right? I'm really hoping that at some point I will naturally grow up and out of this phase, but we're looking at a good 10 years of strong materialism, so I wouldn't bet on it for awhile. The good thing is, I'm really determined to have what I want, so success is in my future in one way or another. 

 7. I hate to brush my teeth. I hate it. I don't know why, but I do. I like Listerine and I usually use that instead of brushing [go ahead, facepalm] but I get plenty of brushing in. The thought of having a gross mouth out-weighs my dislike for the ritual, so I'm clean, I promise. I really want horse teeth. My mom has giant beautiful teeth and I came out with creepy kid-teeth. Drives me bananas. I kind of don't want to be able to close my mouth because my teeth are so big. Is that so much to ask? I'd probably take better care of them if they weren't so unacceptable. The only problem with veneers is that you have to shave your tooth down to nothing to get them put on and that scares me a little. I think about it more than I should, but maybe one day I'll get my dream teeth. For the record - Brandon is anti-cosmetic procedures of all kind. I really want to shave my nose down, get horse teeth and Botox the ever-loving shit out of my forehead, but he honestly thinks I'm perfect, so as long as  he remains legally blind, I'm gonna honor his request and not drill my face off, like in FACE/OFF.

In all honesty, I'm kind of growing fond of my bumpy, crookedy nose, but ... I need giant teeth. Not like Freddie big, but ... maybe like my girl, Penny.

Yep. That's the toothiness I'd like to acquire. Actually, I would FACE/OFF with her anytime. She wouldn't be so famous with baby teeth and a wrinkly forehead now would she!?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Internet Hates Me

I still have quite a lot to take care of this weekend, but I need a break. I found some pretty great treasures online today. The internet really doesn't want me to be successful with my task list, but I won't give up. Sorry for the profanity in this post, but that sign was just too perfect and ... the initials say "KH" which is just an added bonus. I have approximately 3 more papers to write before I'm caught up for the week. I'll let you know how it goes ... I know you're on the edge of your seat. Enjoy! And see more [way more] at ... a place to find great, inspiring pictures and waste tons of time! ♥