Friday, January 7, 2011

Dear Bunny ♥

My gorgeous husband has just left town for the weekend and I'm feeling a little ... reminiscent! It reminds me of the time we first started dating and I was going through a little bit of the oh-man-I'm-officially-a-crazy-person-about-him phase. He was in a band back then and spent some weekends scream-singing into microphones in other cities. Whenever we would spend time apart, especially when we were in different cities, we didn't call each other unless something was wrong. Now, as infinitely busier married people in 2011, we text [much to his chagrin, believe me] and e-mail little updates to each others' smartphones, but I can sharply remember waiting all weekend to hear from him or see him when he came back, unexpectedly. He quoted Bill Shakespeare, saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" ... and I was amazed by how true that was. He was never interested in owning or containing me and it really taught me a lot about what makes a relationship strong. Thinking about those times makes me wonder; how do people date nowadays?

I'm being judgmental, yes ... but, honestly ... doesn't anyone court anymore? I loved that Brandon didn't have a cell phone when we were first going out. Of course, texting wasn't the beastly, brick wall to emotional connections it is today, but it was definitely in our lives at that point and he just refused. I remember getting so giddy when he would call because I knew he had to make the effort to get to a phone and call me. I cherish the fact that my relationship didn't start off with "lolz ur hot wan2 bang?" or something equally void of any real risk. He was actually interested in my schedule and instead of texting/emailing and waiting, he took interest and I appreciated the effort; when I'd be home, when I'd be in the library or shoe shopping [some things never change!]. It made things more real, somehow and I never took it for granted.

Now, more than ever, as a married fuddy-duddy with quite a few single friends, I'm realizing how tough women [and men] have it in the dating game. Stalk on Facebook, a few flirty, non-threatening comments, maybe go out in the real world, dump via text or just fade out, move on, etc. What a nightmare! Is this really what is going on? I am constantly asked "do you think the internet will replace books," when I feel like the more important question is ... will the internet replace relationships? Before I'm bombarded with bitchiness, let me say ... I love the internet, don't get me wrong, but if I were single, wrapped up in the game instead of a safe observer, I would feel desperately disconnected from real life at some point. I'm pro-partnership, whether that means getting married or just having relationships, whatever ... I just think that with the break-up or divorce rate [or the getting-married-to-someone-you-just-met-because-you're-desperate-or-terrified rate] is this high, it makes you think ... what is all this based on? "The foolish man built his house upon the sand ..." to quote Matthew.

Anyway, ... one morning after a sleepover at the house on Maryland that I used to share with my roomie Nicole, Brandon got up and left for a weekend on the road, leaving me a letter by my pillow. It was written on legal paper with pen that looked like it was on it's last drip of ink. Filled with inside jokes and the perfect mix of funny and sincere, that note is now framed in The Fort as a reminder of how lucky I am to have found him. The last line also gave me my mantra for happiness in our marriage ...

"I just like how we fit ... I love being with you even when I'm asleep. 
So, just keep me around, I'll keep you around, and we'll take over this whole fucking world!!"
                                                                                     J.B.H. 5/26/05


  1. This is so sweet! I know exactly what you mean though. I don't think I could date in this crazy world. I feel lucky to have been "scooped up" early. And the first time I met my husband was in person. There is so much in-person meetings can tell you that online just can't. Plus, I hate bar hopping.

    I too have a few sentimental written things from the hubs. I studied abroad for two months in college and during that time he wrote me honest-to-goodness love notes from across the ocean that I still have to this day. Is there anything better than that?

  2. You guys do have the sweetest relationship ever.

    And, as for being single now, I can see your point. I wouldn't want me and my future husband to have long text message conversations.

    which is probably why I don't text and why I'll probably never get married.

  3. I was the "I'm never getting married" girl, too. Don't board up a door that hasn't even been shut yet! [poetic, eh?]

    I'm almost never romantic like this, but Brandon should teach a class, really.

  4. Preach it, sister-woman.

    A good man is hard to find, and believe me on this one, because I looked a long, long time. People ask why I married The Guy so quickly, and I'm like, are you kidding?! He's not only the best MAN I've ever met, he's the best PERSON I've ever met. Marrying him was a no-brainer and by FAR the smartest thing I've ever done.

    I'm glad you're happy too :)

    Dating websites notwithstanding, technology has DESTROYED the art of courtship. Like you, I love it, but I can also recognize its many flaws, and the way it has decayed male-female interactions is a big one.

  5. I love how honest, open, and romantic this entry is about your relationship. It lets us in on a moment of your courting past, but shows me how romantic your present and future relationship truly is! Thanks for inspiring me today to love a little more and try a little harder to show T how much I care about him. -xo-

  6. "Cheese" - yet another amazing quote from your husband!

  7. Yeah, so I think Brandon is completely awesome...and I don't even know the guy! I was not prepared for the absolute greatness of those two little sentences.

    You are very lucky to have found someone who fits you so well. I'm so happy for you.

  8. thank you, ladies! i promise to shut up about him at some point. it is pretty hard to, though!

  9. Trying to find the Ultimate Dating Website? Join to find your perfect match.