Monday, January 10, 2011

You're different ... we get it!

As some of you know, I am going to be knee-deep in weddings again this year and I couldn't be happier! I recently went back to an old bookmark on my computer, ...

I believe that like everything else I love, mainstream internet hipster doofuses are going to ruin everything I love. Honestly, looking through all of these over-the-top "LOOK AT ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT" weddings is not easy for me to stomach. While I applaud the interesting and creative ways that some couples make their wedding truly unique, for every one of those there are 25 sweet Jesus, kill me now weddings to follow.

Let me attempt to explain ... I consider myself to be a little off-beat, so it pains me to say this, but like it or not, weddings are a tradition! First and foremost I proudly support gay marriage, so this has nothing to do with that, I'm talking about the event itself. I don't mind the re-writing of ceremony traditions and I love the special uniqueness of couples that really create a sense for the guest or witnesses of that wedding that they are in the atmosphere of the bride & groom. But as a nerdy, zombie-obsessed, Halloween hobby whore who  is married to an even nerdier, zombie loving, chuck-wearing, fellow ex-band geek gamer I can say that I would already [just three years later] be kicking myself if I had a Mario & Luigi themed wedding. Sure, B and I had nothing but music and video games in common the first 2 dates together; and sure, the first few years with him were spent listening to Joy Division with chopsticks in one hand and a game controller in the other, but it didn't define who we were/are as a couple and your wedding is supposed to be some sort of expression of that; a way to publicly declare your love for each other, not your fandom.

This goes back to what I was saying about marriages being disposable. I keep getting the idea that these people are thinking, "well, if it really isn't that serious, why not make fun? Why not show everyone how different we can really be. Does anyone else find this disturbing? We are the culture of the one-uppers. "I love that band" ... "well, I have a tattoo of that band" ... "well, I quit my job to follow that band around the country" ... "well, I gave my kids to my parents so I could have re-constructive and sex-reassignment surgery so I could look like the lead singer of that band" ... okay, I'm getting carried away. But, I feel like we are constantly trying to prove to everyone how different and awesome and unique we are by taking self-expression to the highest, most self-absorbed level. I have to constantly stop myself from doing the one-up back-and-forth when someone mentions that Halloween is their favorite holiday. I mean, seriously ... they have nothing on me, but is it worth looking like a sniveling, attention\approval-seeking imbecile?  Of course not.

I really enjoy tattooed brides and grooms in hats, I love quirky venues and alternatives to champagne toasts, unity candles and first dances. I really, really love holiday weddings [when done tastefully] and themed weddings as long as the theme doesn't swallow up the part that is most important; the wedding! I think wedding dresses can be pretty much any color and wedding favors are a free-for-all. I don't enjoy cookie cutter, boring, soul-less weddings that bore you to tears or make you think "wait, haven't I already been to this wedding, and what I really don't enjoy and am starting to see more often is the mockery that some people are seeking in order to one-up each other in the wedding game.

I've looked through about 30 [okay, 65] pages of "off beat" weddings with titles like "Angel and JoJo's epic, eco, totally-rad, non-fail, all-win, retro, bluegrass, hindu-infused wedding, ZOMG!" and nearly all of them say "DON'T JUDGE ME!" or "I WILL NOT BOW TO THE NORM", etc in their bio or explanation of the wedding. Do they not realize that they are the cliche now? Chances are, if you start your life together in a fantasy, the rest may very well fall short. A wedding shouldn't be a person's biggest and best day, just one of the most important and hopefully that won't involve getting a tattoo on the altar or giving vibrators as bridesmaids gifts [yes, that happened] just to get those ever-desired side glances so you can rebut with something witty, albeit painfully transparent.

Let's stop trying to be different for the sake of being different, okay? 

Here is the formula for today's "different" weddings:

"Goth" - Red, black, white ... no frills, too much edge, not enough pretty and way too much of a theme that goes nowhere beyond the harsh color scheme and lack of originality. There is a way to have a gothic wedding without looking like you just ran out of HotTopic!!

"Vintage/Retro" - tea length dress, some sort of hair piece, colorful shoes, guys looking like extras in a cheap movie, some form of retro/swing dancing, lace everywhere [doilies, even], cup-cake wedding cake [done to damn death, people!!!] ... vintage and retro should really focus on the delecate, not the obnoxious.

"Hipster" - non-wedding wedding dress, cloth or brooch flower bouquets, V.W. "Melissa" shoes [enough with those, already!] eco-friendly wedding favors, home-brew beers, cupcake or pies instead of wedding cake, rock-band reception ... a couple of these might seem like great ideas, but when you cram all of them into a 4 hour event, it reeks of "you're different, WE GET IT!!!!"

You get the idea ... here are a few "weird" wedding touches that I totally love and get. I won't show you the one's I don't like ... I'm sure I did a great job explaining, you've probably seen them a hundred times and I don't want them on my page! Ha!

 This reminds me of Gwen Stefani's wedding dress ... beautiful, unique [but not obnoxiously so] bride!

 I love alternative venues!! This looks so romantic. 

Rubbing their rings for good luck. So unique!

 Hah! Funny pictures are always welcome!

How amazing is this dress!? The front is totally ivory, catches you by surprise!


  1. I can't say I've had much experience with weddings. The only one I've been to was impromptu at a family fish fry where both the bride and groom were wearing cowboy boots. That marriage ended with the bride leaving the groom for his brother, only to go back to the groom when she put said brother in jail for domestic violence/

    ahhh, marriage...
    On a related (to the post) note, that last dress is really spectacular. And, I completely get your point about letting some random part of your relationship define your wedding. That's such a bad idea! Inside jokes get old.

  2. Most jokes get old. Creating an entire, life-affirming event into one, great big joke is just not a good idea!

    Are you better? We have work to do on an invitation! I've been bumming around way too much this week.

  3. I remember being blown away when I saw Gwen Stefani's wedding dress. When I saw the one you posted, I hadn't scrolled down enough to read your comment, I thought about Gwen's dress when I saw that picture as well.