Whatevz, I'm Over It

This is sad, but for me, it is most often the people closest to me that I can count on the least. I don't mean that in terms of my husband or my entire family, but there are definitely friends I've had for years and family members that let me down on a regular basis. Why? I realize I'm pretty awful, but if you're my friend or the like, you probably already know that and are accustomed to my shitty ways. I feel like I'm supportive of my friends and their endeavors and I don't do that for the sole purpose of having it returned, but I often find myself thinking "why am I having to beg for support right now?" I definitely spent most of my young life begging for attention and was made to feel horrible for it, but as an adult, I don't consider assuming someone who cares for me will be there for me as attention-seeking behavior.

I don't consider this a rant, or a vague non-name-dropping slight to a specific person whom I'm too cowardly to confront. I am speaking generally about several people over several years. This is more of an "isn't life grand" type post. The fact that I have to say that is sad; people are so quick to assume I'm talking about them when I write something critical. Any time I have an issue with someone, they know it first. That is the point, right? I get a lot of flack for bringing up issues or calling people on their bull-shit [and honestly, denying my own from time to time] but how on earth can anyone cultivate a real relationship with anyone without being honest and dealing with their issues? Communication is key, but for the record ... I don't think that involves begging for encouragement.

The problem with having this type of conversation is that the person almost always gets defensive and then overcompensates, cheapening their words and making it seem as if they're feigning emotion to suffice the crying titty-baby. Then I [the titty-baby] just end up feeling like an asshole. Ugh. OR they get defensive and react the opposite way by playing freeze out or  throwing your relationship away completely. I'm pretty great at the latter; I weigh my issues with people against involving myself with them at all and if my Benjamin Franklin style pros/cons list doesn't add up ... it's over. [I'm such a guy.] I guess this is why people just write Facebook status updates like, "I REALLY WISH GIRLS WEREN'T SUCH BITCHES!!! EPIC FAIL!!!! SEE MY REAL FRIENDS TONIGHT!!!" ... shit, just typing that makes my bowels twitch. Getting it out of your system in a safe [as in, non-consequential whatsoever] way is great, as long as you don't plan on learning any life lessons. Honestly, how can you be sure you have any real friends whatsoever if you're constantly hating everything they do, but never talking about it?

I guess I can safely say that I've learned a lot this year about my relationships; old, new, real, fake, tormented,  and blissful. And I have to say ... WHO NEEDS 'EM!?!

I'm kidding, I'll probably make more friends, lose more and maybe just keep a few forever, but I'll be kicking and screaming the whole way if people don't stop stunting their growth out of fear of an 'icky' feeling and learn how to interact on a real level.